Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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