maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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