this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
