last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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