She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
