Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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