he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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