I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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