Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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