I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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