i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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