Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
