I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
