Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
