Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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