after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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