On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
