we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
