Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
