why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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