actually, I'm a sock model
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
