I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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