Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
