How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
