I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
