i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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