I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
