Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
