how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
