Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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