so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bring me that man meat
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
