We're facebook friends in real life
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
