did you get engaged???
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
