tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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