I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
