So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
