Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
