I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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