oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Do I have a choice?
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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