By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
