Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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