Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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