I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
