I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
