im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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