i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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