It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
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