you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
