I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
