Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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