well he's currently spooning the coffee table
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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