Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
