She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
