Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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