Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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