Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
