I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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