come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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