my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
