I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
