no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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