what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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