I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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