South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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