Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
