he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize