i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
