I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
